The Number of our Days ....

I was thinking this morning about Euthanasia.  I know a lovely morning musing .... this at 5:30 am too when our dogs demanded to be let out! We have a 17yo rat terrier who it's easier to carry up and down the stairs then try not to fall over her at that wee hour.... then she has to slowly traipse out the deck down the stairs and contemplate whether she wants to do her business or not. Sheesh, so yes there have been moments I've thought maybe we should just put her to sleep .... BUT the vet assures us she is in perfect her health for her age and really doesn't have any issues other than being slow, yippy, mild cataracts and just generally being underfoot at times.

Recently a sweet friend posted a link on Facebook about physician assisted suicide and how she understood the need for relief from chronic pain. Admittedly my issues are not as severe as hers but I can understand how one could get to that place. How  you just want the pain to stop, how there's no words to tell people how truly tired, bone weary you are ... and how others would not want to have to watch a loved one suffer. The pain of watching someone you love not want to be here anymore, struggle with why God has "left" them here, or deal with excruciating physical pain that you can't touch or stop.... I get it truly I do ...

and yet ....

As I watched our poor old pooch navigate the steps this morning it struck me that I was being selfish, it's not that I want to put her to sleep because she's in pain or suffering or anything I'm just tired of getting up with her and waiting on her .... but she's a dear part of our family as well and has traveled many roads and adventures with us! Is it right for me to want to put her to sleep just for my convenience? 

Yes I know, before anyone has a stroke -- it's a big leap from a tired rat terrier to a human being. Again,  I get it. But I also know if we who name the name of Christ profess a love for all life and say we beleive God is the same God  yesterday today and tomorrow, if we say we belive His word and not just bits and pieces then we must also believe this along with King David:

Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them.  Psalm 139:16

and that means ALL the days from Birth to Death. Trusting His timing is perfect even as you are sick of being preggers or hubby will be deployed when baby comes or the Dr wants to induce because you are "late" --  to the day of death whether it's sudden, lingering, suffering or peaceful. Hard stuff but do we believe God has numbered our days and has them held in the palm of his hand or do we just say we do?

Is our perspective what's skewed instead? A perspective that says it's to hard, to much, to everything instead of a perspective that views even the hard days as a gift somehow knowing that it is meant to be to much so we will lean on, and hopefully bring, Glory to Him?

Oh please don't hear me judging anyone I'm not, I understand the desire to just not have to deal with feeling icky all the time when you look fine, frustration of searching for the right word, of your body not working the way it used to or is "supposed" to, aching when it shouldn't .... I have several friends dealing with chronic issues (so no this is NOT directed towards any one person), friends who've watched sweet children slip away "before their time" the world would say and deal with the questions of that,  cried with sweet friends who have dealt with the pain of suicide and mental illness and prayed agonizing prayers for my own family, and I know that not all those who face death slip gracefully into that good night.  I do not believe that it is God's will for anyone's life to be cut short or not fulfill the days appointed to them (Genesis says God appointed 120 years for us but we don't see that to often) but it happens because we live in a fallen world and only God can take that and still use it for good.

But it seems the question is one of how do we view life?
         Do we as Christian's allow a little of the culture -that say it's so much better for our loved ones not to live in pain, that surely God is ok with it if we assist them in their homegoing to - slip in?
        Do we say with Job "though He slay me yet will I trust Him" ? 

Tough questions my friends indeed.

I do not have all the answers that's for sure .... but I think even this morning in the cool before sunrise as I watched our old dog use weak legs to navigate instead of run like she used to that it is still a beautiful life even in pain and age and I hope that I can remember that in days to come.

Teach us to number our days carefully

                                               so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts ...
                                                                Psalms 90:12

When what He gives doesn't look like enough...

I am not the world's best gardener, that's for sure. I love flowers and think well tended vegetable and flower gardens are glorious! I always start out with good intentions but my follow through is a bit lacking and I get distracted with the rest of life going on which frustrates my poor daughter no end....

This morning I was reading in a devotional by Ann Voskamp  ( One-Thousand-Gifts-Devotional-Reflections on finding everyday Graces) and she talks about seeds...

How we often miss the small things in life:

"But to look at seeds and believe He will feed us? When what He gives doesn't look like near enough. When it looks like less than a handful instead of a plateful, a year full, a life full. When it looks inedible.... it looks like a bit of a joke. To hand someone seeds for his swelling, panging starvaton, and ask him to believe in a feast -- is this what everyday faith is??
   The promise of feast is within the moments."

And it struck me as well that often not only am I asked to have faith in a few small "seeds" of prayer, hope and God's Word but also to remember

  -when my life seems fallow and empty, nothing seems to be growing or it only seems to be growing weeds,
             -when all I've planted seems dead and I'm just waiting for a small leaf
                   -or God has asked me not to plant just yet to wait, to remember

         that THIS too has purpose and that just as fallowness in farming is not useless but brings healing, growth and a richer fuller harvest later on

                                      ...so too it may be what He is after in my life. 


(photo from "My Indiana Home")

No Fear ....

Chances are you've seen these posts, photos or "pins" on fear and how many times it's stated in the Bible. And while it's apparently debatable as far as accuracy it seems comforting to think so ...

However it can also be discouraging or even downright annoying when you are "Living in the Gap" between faith and fear, in the midst of hard circumstances or just plain tired ....

I have started a Chronological reading the Bible program this year and it struck me when God tells Jacob in Gen 46: “I am the God of your father. Don’t be afraid of going down to Egypt. I’m going to make you a great nation there. I’ll go with you down to Egypt; I’ll also bring you back here. And when you die, Joseph will be with you; with his own hand he’ll close your eyes.” .. that God wasn't telling Joseph not to be afraid because he wasn't but very likely because he WAS!

Not because we are never to be afraid or because it's somehow failing Him when we are but because we are human and He knows we ARE afraid/struggle with fear.

But just as with Jacob ...It is in the very places we are afraid that He does great things if we trust Him and that He has a plan even when we can't see it. 

Hello Bloggy Land ....

Check... Check ... 1...2...3... Check ...is this thing on? ... anybody? ... check ....

Yes it's me again .... finally .... I know I've neglected my writing AGAIN ... fits and starts, one step forward two steps back.

So many ideas rattling around in my head to blog about ... so little time ... time wasted ...

I want to say I've been busy, but haven't we all? True we are getting ready to move and I HAVE actually been busy getting our house ready to put on the market - mostly by myself through not fault of hubby's (short notice on orders means you've only got so much time) but we managed. Now to keep it clean and do touch up stuff!

Here's some ideas you may see soon:

• Fear and what God says about it
• Our nation (wow there's quite a list contained within that one - gun control, leadership,etc)
• Health issues (juicing, paleo, organic, sustainability, flu paranoia,etc)
• Family
• Choices (again)
• etc etc
•  

basically anything that pops into my brain ....

Sometimes I wonder if I should make this more streamlined ... people seem to have success with their blogs when they aren't as eclectic (scattered?) as mine ... hmmmm ....

Anyhow, just wanted to let you know I'm still alive and will hopefully be posting soon! 

The great Kitchen Redo ....

So when we moved in our kitchen basically looked like this, wood cabinets and laminate counter-tops ... nothing horrible and perfectly serviceable just somewhat dark and dated:

 

In these pictures I had painted the counter-tops to look like granite and in prep for painting the kitchen white (click on the word painted to link to that post), also I removed the upper cabinet doors pretty quickly to give the look of open shelving ....



and here's my kitchen today:

                     
            yes it's brighter and more homey to me! Our daughter's boyfriend said it really made it look like our kitchen had a facelift! I agree .... we painted all the wood white (which was a pain but worth it, no I did NOT sand them all sorry we used primer and paint), added beadboard look wallpaper andd new hardware in stainless and I painted the walls Macadamia by Martha Stewart. Plus redid my painted counter-tops  with Rust-o-leum's cabinet transformation kit in Black granite .... the laundry area got a lift too with Hawthorne Yellow Paint (Benjamin Moore), white shelves, a couple framed quotes and matching bins! ....I have also gotten lots of comments/compliments on the basement door -- I had seen pantry door ideas on Pinterest using an old door to contrast but didn't want anything with glass or a screen even though I love those since we do live in KS and have used the basement for tornado shelter ... basically I just painted it white then black and sanded to my hearts content and voila it looks like a whole new door! :)

What do you think? :)   (btw it I didn't keep exact track but I would say this was only around $500.00 total or LESS by the time you add paint, beadboard wallpaper, new hardware and the shelves -- not including the new fridge when ours died)

Warrior Prayers ... praying for your sons

This is a great book and facebook page and MOB society is having a 21 day prayer project as well .... visit HERE or click on the picture in my sidebar to find out more!  (personally I intend to pray for both my boys and my dd's young men)

"The choices we make ....

 

dictate the lives we lead " ...... (Danny DeVito in Renaissance Man)

This has been a reoccurring theme in my life the last few weeks ...  and particularly this morning! Someone's choice impacted my life -- poor honey had to go to work in the wee hours of the morning (after multiple phone calls .. thank you for that!) because of someone elses choice to be irresponsible. 

So often we tend to think that our choices are ours alone, and to a certain extent they are and YET ..... everyone else around us is impacted too from the simple to the complex.... 

I'm sure the soldier who went out drinking last night to have fun never considered how his choice might impact others or possibly himself -- everyone in the Company having to come in early on a Saturday morning, lack of sleep for our family, extra paperwork for leadership, our Battalion "name" on the reader board on post,  not to mention the example he has set/ruined for those under his leadership, his own driving record and legal record and even his own job prospects in the future ....... (going out isn't the issue, the choice to drive afterwards is!)

Or the young man who lies for fear that others might not love/want him,  trying so hard to live up to a standard imposed by others that he feels he must be perfect ..... ends up becoming the very thing he tried so hard not to be ..... and now must bear the consequences of broken relationships, school issues, shame, etc ., even as he seeks to make things right ... knowing others may reject him anyways ....

What about Sarah? In Genesis she chose out of sheer desperation and longing for acceptance to have a baby through another woman .... I'm sure she had no idea the impact that choice would have  - unrest in the Middle East even today! 

Peter -- who lied with Jesus standing RIGHT THERE! ... and said "I do not know him..." even as the words left his mouth did he wish he could take them back? Once the fear of man and physical death subsided and He looked into the eyes of the one he had betrayed? ..... the magnitude of what he had done must have been soul crushing .... 

And Yet ..... God can redeem each of these situations if they are handed to Him! 

Sarah is listed in the Hall of Faith in Hebrews, which gives me hope! Peter was restored by Christ himself the exact number of times he lied ..... and became a pillar of faith! 

What about the daily choices we make? 

~To respond kindly instead of harshly to my husband when he irritates me or needs me to repeat myself! 

      ~Lovingly & firmly correct my child, instead of yelling out of frustration 

           ~To CHOOSE my words instead of just speaking without thinking, to be cognizant of what others may hear in what I say       

               ~To hold others accountable but with arms of love and faith around them instead of banishment, frustration or anger 

                 ~Choosing to beleive that God can and WILL bring good out of our brokenness, ...   

                     ~ Allowing my children to choose for themselves  what they will do and then loving them anyway, training them and myself that you really do reap what you sow (Gal 6:7-8).... 

                       ~ Continuing to pray and trust  even when all seems lost

The Bible says in Proverbs: 

  "There is a way that appears to be right,

   but in the end it leads to death."   

       Death of dreams ... relationships... hopes .... and sometimes even physical death.

But there is another way .... Jesus says he is that way and will help us to choose the right....

And no it isn't easy at all ... it's so much easier to respond when I am hurt with anger and pain rather than from a place of mercy ...

          a mercy which forgives and yet is wise holding firm to God's word, 

             mercy that is willing to walk through the consequences with you and love you anyways .... 

                      because isn't that what God does for us? ....

"Make us to choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong, and never to be content with a half truth when the whole can be won." .... Cadet's Prayer, USMA West Point 


 ...........because our choices do indeed dictate the lives we lead!