March 26, 2009

add Angry to the list...

and guilty.

Angry at my husband for not writing, for refusing to put pen to paper or even postcard. The amount of letters I've gotten over the years is less than 30. Makes me feel unimportant, not worth the effort. I've expressed that to him, still...nothing. Few emails... for some reason he's always the one who's email doesn't work, is busy,etc.

Guilty for yelling at him when he's stood in line to call on the phone.

Angry at God for not answering, I've prayed for years that Tim would write, would seek the Lord when he's away, etc,etc,etc...

Angry that my children have missed their father for so long and worried that it will warp them for life, that Dad was gone (really gone) and Mom wasn't able to be wholly present at times.

Angry at my friend who says I need to repent for being an inconsistent parent, like I don't feel like enough of a failure already? Gee, I had no idea I needed to be more consistent! I know she means well.

Guilty for that too -- being inconsistent, tired, and struggling at times.

1 comment:

Shirley said...

I am so sorry that things are so rough right now. I have you and your family in my prayers. God knows your heart and He sees what a great wife and mom you are and continue to strive to be. I pray that He will lift your spirits and give you the strength you need.

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“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." .... Jeremiah 29:11 (esv)